I’ve been a little distracted lately, albeit in a good way, but still, I don’t like it when my focus gets sidetracked. I’ve realized it’s something I need to work on, personal growth and all, to keep things better balanced.
As I prepare to move to a new city, I’ve had to reconcile myself with a hard truth; essentially, I’m starting over. The foundation and friend network I’ve built over the years won’t be so close. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous, but because I know it’s the right move, I’m not letting fear scare me out of it. In some ways, it feels like a chance to reinvent myself, but that’s not really what I’m doing.
I’m still me, only now fully realizing myself and figuring out how to really flourish. But of all the things that I will gain, bigger and better opportunities, it’s what I will be without for the first time in my life that will be the hardest to adapt; losing my constant.
Maybe I shouldn’t say losing completely. However, the relationship with my constant, the one person I’ve shared everything with for as long as I can remember, will have to evolve. It’s funny, though we didn’t always get along when we were growing up, the first separation of college is what really allowed my sister and I to grow closer. But as life works itself out in its many strange ways, we’ve always remained close, emotionally and geographically.
While it’s certainly been nice all these years to have the closeness, I started to realize that sometimes we can become too dependent on the constant. It’s not to say that everything is always the same, it’s just that whenever there has been any change at all, the natural instinct is to fight your way back to the familiar, like a compass seeking north or water seeking it’s own level.
This homeostasis can sometimes hold you back if you’re not careful. I see that now. It’s terrifying and exciting at the same time, for both of us as I prepare to move. It’s something I know deep down I have to do, another part of the process of staying out of the rut. I want to take on new challenges and maybe even start fulfilling some dreams of my own and desires others have long longed for me to pursue (they know what I mean).
I’m ready now.
You can’t sail in any direction when you’re securely weighted down. Sometimes you need to lift the anchor and sail.